Right in the middle of our four boys–two of them older, two younger–we have one delightful girl. A really, truly, girly-girl, with curls and frills and dresses and drama:
She wears dresses almost every day. I love seeing my little lady in her dresses and hats, purses and hair bows. Now that I’ve shaken off the tyranny of my upbringing, it does my heart good to see her playing with her dolls and being just as girly as a girl can be.
Because I prefer pants, I asked her once why she always asks for a dress to wear. “Because I’m not a boy!” she said, with not a little righteous indignation.
She wants to set herself apart from the boys. She likes being a girl!
Earlier this week, I was watching her play outside with her big brothers. As she traipsed (and sometimes tripped) along behind them, her slightly-too-short dress billowing in the breeze, I couldn’t help but look down at my jean-clad legs and wonder: Is she going to continue to enjoy being so feminine as she grows, when her own mother is always opting for a sturdier, and frankly frumpier, workaday look? She did, after all, tell me that she wants to be just like me when she grows up.
If she wants to be like me later, it occurs to me that maybe I’d better start being a little bit more like her now, so she’ll know that she doesn’t have to leave her girlish delight in pretty things behind.
And so, (hold on to your head coverings!) I’ve started wearing skirts. I didn’t plan this. Skirts vs. Pants is not a question I’ve ever been particularly interested in. In fact, when my friend, Gail, posted this to her Facebook page (follow her!):
I replied:
The Bible tells us that it’s a shame for a woman to try to look like a man, but there don’t seem to be any pictures or explanations of what that might look like in any given culture. As long as a woman isn’t trying to hide the fact that she’s a woman, I figure clothing style is a matter of personal preference, not holiness. I have a Godly mother who never wears a skirt except to worship services, weddings, and funerals, so I’ve never considered skirt-wearing to be anything but a religious affectation. And for some people, I still think that might be true. I still feel that jeans—as long as they’re not skin-tight or otherwise provocative—are a perfectly reasonable way for a female to dress.
I’ll always have a few pairs of jeans in my wardrobe, most likely, because the snow gets up to my waist here, most winters, and I won’t be wearing a skirt to hike up and down our driveway in January. But since men can’t wear skirts and I can, I’m going to consider this a fun way to set myself apart, not from other women who wear pants, but from men. For the sake of my pretty, frilly daughter, I’d better model for her the fact that it’s not only acceptable, but desirable, for women to be soft and sweet and beautiful, not just practical.
Baby steps, though. I am NOT getting any manicures or pedicures. Ever. That is all.
This post is linked up at Big Family Friday.
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ve always loved a good skirt. I don’t like to be seen as being ultra-girly, but I just like the feel and look of a skirt, especially one with a nice artsy or bohemian or vintage vibe. I also am not a fan of summer heat, and truly cannot tolerate the feel of shorts or capris between my legs on hot days. I also drive a lot for work, and a skirt is far more comfortable for that, too. In the heat, I wear skirts at the campground, and I actually LOVE my Macabi skirts (http://www.macabiskirt.com/) for backpacking (after experimenting with various pants & leggings). If I wasn’t so vain and fashion-conscious, I could likely make a point of living simply wearing only Macabi skirts. I have not conquered those issues yet, though. I consider skirts super-practical overall (if long and full enough, they do just fine on a playground and at sitting-on-the-grass events). Yes, in winter, tights bother me enough that jeans and pants usually win, and there are times when jeans offer just the right “look” for an ensemble, but I can been seen in a skirt in the snow from time to time as well. I actually did some online research last year to find a “snow skirt” (lined, water resistant, etc.), and did come across a couple of options. Anyway, happy skirt-wearing!
Oh, I wish I were “vain” like you. I’m scared to look pretty! Seriously. Always have been.
How interesting of you to say that! I think I have just learned something about myself because although I never thought of myself as afraid to look pretty, I really, really identify with what you just said.
I wonder where that comes from. Maybe we’ve been raised in a culture that doesn’t know the difference between “pretty” and “sexy”, so proper modesty has kept us from trying to look feminine?
Ding ding ding ding! Give the lady a bobble hula skirt doll!
I’ve heard a lot of women blame men for the flesh we’re bombarded with in the ladies.. strike that, women’s magazines at the checkout counter, and I’d always say, “Nope, women editors, photographers, models, selling to women. Don’t blame us.”
But this comment makes me realize that it is, in part, our fault as men, and the reason is simple; we weren’t taught to appreciate femininity.
It’s a lot like the expecting a guy who’s been eating double portion meat and potatoes every day with a Hot Pocket as the “special” meal every now and then to walk into a true Japanese restaurant (not the americanized version, mind) and appreciate the subtlety of a fine meal there. Having been that guy, I have no guilt in making this allegory.
I (and lots of others, I am sure) were raised in the eighties, during which time the only women we were given as treasures, as goals, were, well.. tramps. Bimbos.
Look me in the eye and tell me of a single major motion picture made between 1983 and 1996 in which the damsel fair wasn’t naked and/or in bed with someone by the 48 minute mark? Waiting.. Waiting.. Thought not.
It’s a shame, really. It was only later in life that I began to understand that the kind of women you read about in books, the chaste, godly women were beautiful in ways that those oafish tendencies we were taught can’t appreciate.
You wanna know where I learned that? How I realized the beauty to be found in a good and faithful woman?
Simple. I married one despite myself. Go figure.
My takeaway from this (cause I’m as much talking to me as you) is that, as a father, it is my job to illustrate the deep love that a man can feel for such a woman without degrading and demeaning her in his heart as well as his home. It’s my job to teach them to avert their eyes from the flesh we can’t escape today instead of leering at it.
Considering my misspent youth, friends, I’ve got my work cut out for me.
Twitter: oliveonandon
July 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm
But pedicures are soooooo relaxing!! Of course, the only way I ever afford to have them is if someone buys me a gift certificate
“But since men can’t wear skirts and I can, I’m going to consider this a fun way to set myself apart, not from other women, but from men.”
I love how you pointed out that even if it is somehow more “biblical” for a woman to wear skirts (or dresses, etc.) it is not to be somehow holier than women who choose not to, but simply to be set apart from men. Really important to keep the “whys” straight or else we start getting self-righteous about making all the right moves but not having the right spirit.
Personally? I prefer skirts because my size has been changing so much the last few years… Give me a longish, knit, elastic-waisted skirt and I’ll find a random t-shirt to match! Outfit-done.
I might need to work on the frump factor….
Am I making a convert out of you?
Thanks for the shout out! One day I had jeans on, and my son told me he liked my skirts better! 
Love it, Cindy. You’re fabulous!
So are you, Gail. And you’re very influential. I soak up everything you say! So be careful what you say.
I’ve recently started wearing skirts more, mainly because my thunder thighs blew out the thighs in my last pair of jeans and I am WAY to cheap to go buy more in the middle of my “weight loss journey”. I too have a girl who is ALL girl, and her reasoning for wearing skirts/dresses constantly is the same as your daughter’s reasoning. Surprisingly, I’ve come to enjoy wearing the skirts. The complements from little old men don’t hurt, and my husband has mentioned that he actually prefers the skirts. I feel much more feminine, and actually somewhat prettier in the skirt. I still live in yoga pants 1 week a month…but I LOVE my skirts.
My hubby likes it better, too. I hadn’t thought about what I’ll do for that one week a month. Hmmm…
Twitter: CreativLEI
July 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm
For the ‘one week a month’ I have a pair of black bike shorts.
What would I do without readers? I’d barely be able to figure out how to blow my own nose. I’ll invest in some bike shorts.
Twitter: CreativLEI
July 6, 2012 at 8:25 pm
We’re all here to help one another. No woman left behind.
Oh come on, Cindy. You gotta try a pedicure just once!!!!!
Nope. I have a thing about feet. Ick.
I got my first-ever pedicure last summer. It was quite nice. I’d totally do it again.
So, here’s a stupid (practical) question: What do you wear with your skirts. I’m a t-shirt and shorts kinda gal at home. Now that I’ve lost weight and my thighs don’t threaten to spark some sort of fire from rubbing together (just being honest), I could be tempted to wear more skirts…but I think I’d look frumpier wearing a skirt/t-shirt combo than the shorts/t-shirt combo. Is that a stupid thing to worry about? (Say no.)
No! I’m worried about that, myself. Right now, my wardrobe is looking pretty bad. Three skirts, and no everyday shirts to match. I am so going shopping this weekend! I think a fitted tee with any skirt should be good, as long as the colors match, so I’m getting patterned skirts with lots of colors, and blue jean skirts. Relegating my tee shirts to the pj’s drawer. We’ll see how that goes.
My goodness, I really am channeling you. I just made the same decision a few weeks ago. And you know what? It’s great! Not only do I feel more feminine, but skirts are SO much easier to buy than the pants which NEVER FIT once I get them home and wear them for five minutes!!! One less source of stress in my life.
And I, also, will never be getting a mani/pedi. Ick. (I have a thing about people touching my feet.)
Cheers!!
Me, too. My sister will have to take the girl for that stuff. I can’t stand the thought.
Cindy,
I wear skirts almost all of the time, though like you there are a few pairs of jeans and capris in my wardrobe (capris are MUCH better and more modest for bikeriding IMO), but I do like the feminine way about them. I just bought 2 knee length skirts for the summer yesterday from the thrift store. I have been mostly wearing them for so long that I now find them truly more comfortable–not necessarily practical though. I can’t stand washing a floor on my hands and knees in a skirt or as I mentioned above, bikeriding in a skirt. But, I do enjoy it now and I bet you will begin to really enjoy it too. it does make one feel more feminine, in my opinion.
Twitter: RamandaHarvey
July 5, 2012 at 7:04 pm
I love skirts! And pedicures. I love having something that makes me feel feminine and pretty in this homogenized world.
What a sweet post! I can’t imagine why you would think it would step on any toes. I agree wholeheartedly and have also made the decision to wear skirts and dresses, most of the time, for the same reason. (I even have a 5-year-old who adamantly refuses to wear pants because she is NOT a boy!)
You’ll need to post a pic soon, because I’m having a hard time visualizing you in a skirt.
My first edit had a slightly different spin.
I am a jean wearing momma. I never like skirts and dresses to that extent. I wear them when I have to. I consider this a perk when attending a “contemporary” church style
!
My girls love to wear pretty dresses, but I don’t let them wear them all the time…..I don’t have money for new wardrobe I guess.
I agree we should NOT LOOK like men! But I am pretty sure that is a given that I do not look like any man right now! he he he……
I also don’t have issues with those that love to wear skirts and feel convicted in this either- no biggie to me. But then God won’t surprise me because he convicts me of things ALL THE TIME that I never thought about as important before?
I have no idea why I’m feeling offended by this. You didn’t say anything offensive at all. Maybe it’s what you wrote on facebook about it “stepping on toes?” That’s most likley it…yep that’s it. It seems that you’re saying all women who wear skirts have the holier than thou thoughts. I KNOW that to not be the case and I know you weren’t aiming that directly or meant it personally (since you have no idea who I am
) but none-the-less I took offense. I’m sure that’s because I’m full of ranging hormones (39 weeks prego and right down frustraed because baby WONT come!!!! ) and because it seems every Chrisitan woman is divided on this issue. You sit on one side or the other- “Oh you wear jeans? How wrong!” “Oh you wear skirts? How legalistic!” Sigh, unnecessary division in the body of Christ! I feel the need to jusitfy myself (what is it with women and emotions! Good grief are we emotional or what?! LOL) so I’ll say where I stand on this: My family is a skirts/dresses only family. With that said, we apply this strict standard only to our family. However, we do expect other Christian women to obey God’s Word and to dress modestly (1 Timothy) and to dress according to their sex (Deuteronomy). I believe a woman can be modest in a skirt as well as immodest in a skirt. Likewise, a woman can be modest in a pair of pants and immodest in a pair of pants. I struggled with wearing my jeans to tight to show off my rear end and Matthew tells us looking with lust is adultery in the heart and in Hebrews we read that we’re not to cause a brother to stumble so I went to skirts full time- there’s no way I’d wear a mini skirt. Pants had to much temptation for me. So there…I justified myself. Although, you weren’t aiming anything at me. I feel rather silly now, lol.
I love the fact that you are willing to dress more feminie to encourage your daugther to stay that way. I applaud you for that! It reminds me of Ezekiel 16:44 which rings true- and personally as a mother to 2 girls with one on the way I find that verse very scary/convicting
LOL! I don’t know why I thought anybody would be offended. I did have one slightly not-nice sentence in there, but I took it out because I don’t actually think that. It’s a shame when a really good turn of phrase goes to waste like that. But anyway, the potentially offensive stuff didn’t actually make it to the final cut. Still, you never know when somebody is going to get offended. There are some crazy folks on the internet.
I like that you thought of Ezekiel 16:44. I never would have thought of that, but it sure fits. Shows you know your Bible!
In the time that the Bible was written,,the men in this era wore robe like clothing,none of the pictures that ive seen from there are men wearing pants or leg coverings,,so wonder when this style came about,,just curious,,,my grandfather was a Minister(Baptist) from the ole days an he didnt believe a woman should cut her hair(a womans hair is her glory)I do wear pants but have never had short hair,at age 56 I can still her my grandfathers preaching,ive trimmed it,but it is to my waist,I do wear it up in a style most of the time or a pony tail,,thank God he never meantioned having your hair colored,lol,because I like keeping it red an not grey
My daughter started wearing dresses when she was 4. You know the breezy seersucker ones, she always picked them out over a shirt/pant combo. Whatever. She goes to kindergarten, and I put shorts under her dress, and at this point she throws a fit over wearing pants only. No big deal I thought, she’ll grow out of this. After she grows of the 6x size where they stop making this dress you can buy off the rack, she still is adamant about no pants. Let me just say that she’s the most easy-going child on earth, will do anything I say, except this one thing–wear pants. I think its a sensory processing thing for sure.
So anyway, the summer before 2nd grade, I had to turn my garage into my own personal sweatshop and make her dresses in the “style” that she would wear. She won’t wear sleeveless, the waist has to be right above her hips, it has to be below her knee 6 inches.
As she grew, I found that Land’s End Jersey Knit dress was the one store made pattern she would wear, and we would buy those en mass whenever they went on sale. At the age of 11, she went horseback riding at Girl Scout camp in her dress, but she did bring her stretch pants to put on.
Now that she is 13, and her sister is almost 9, guess what her little sister wears? Oh yes, all the hand-me-downs are dresses, and little sis likes being like big sis. However, she’ll wear pants sometimes, and I ought to buy her some more probably.
But typically, I look like the mom that just stole a Mennonite family or something. Just to look at my girls, you’d think that we’re a dress only family, but then I walk over in my jeans, pretty weird, huh. Sometimes I’ll put on a skirt just so we all match.
Twitter: onemomsworld
July 6, 2012 at 9:38 am
Love this! Growing up, my mother never wore make-up, hardly any dresses at all except going to church and very rarely jeans. Mostly just relaxed clothes. I am the totally opposite. I love to wear make-up, love to wear dresses and skirts. I do still like to wear jeans as well. I guess just a good combination. My youngest L now just prefers to wear dresses and skirts. They have to have leggings too though
Twitter: Createdforhome
July 6, 2012 at 5:46 pm
I’m about 80% all skirts/dresses now. I was raised to wear pants and my mother had to be bribed to wear a dress to my wedding. I do feel more feminine and for some reason, I get way more done if I’m in a skirt. Granted, my clothes are mainly pretty frumpy (thanks to random clothing gifts and my slow weightloss). I own one pair of jeans and a pair of khaki pants. I don’t own any shorts as I’ve found that skirts are actually cooler when the heat soars (like it’s been the last few weeks of 100 plus daily). I love the way they don’t define my ample posterior too
I understand your comment about being scared to look pretty. I am too. I was raised and taught that wanting to be pretty was vain and that I should never do anything to draw attention to myself. Yet, when I do occasionally take the time to dress nicely and do my hair and put on a bit of makeup (have to be careful, the stuff breaks me out if it is on more than four hours) I feel more feminine and slightly more confident in myself. My husband always notices and compliments me on it too. I should make the effort for him more often actually as it blesses him when I look nice to please him and how it affects the rest of my attitude.
My daughters love to dress in skirts and dresses. They twirl and dance all day long in them. I have to fight my youngest to get her to put shorts on underneath, she thinks they are too “bunchy.” And I must admit, I love watching my girls act like girls and look like little girls. We’ve lost so much in our culture with the blending of the gender lines. I think it is high time we reclaim our feminine identities.
Twitter: CreativLEI
July 6, 2012 at 6:49 pm
I completely relate to your venture. It was my first daughter (after two boys), that God used to reintroduce me to femininity. It stuck because it pleases my husband and my boys notice and compliment as well. I want to teach both my boys and girls the importance of embracing who God made us as men and women. While I often wear skirts I have a couple pairs of proper fitting jeans and a pair of capris, because sometimes the more modest choice for the occasion is a pair of pants. My favorite though for working in the garden or an ‘active’ day are my pairs of gaucho pants, they’re feminine and not clingy! I wish I could find more (or an easy pattern to sew some).
Twitter: SomewhatCrunchy
July 7, 2012 at 8:28 am
Good for you – I love my skirts much more than I thought I would when I made the switch. I wear skirts/dresses probably 80% of the time.
Oh ho ho, the pedicure sounds like a challenge. You just wait till we meet IRL (because one day we will!) I will drag you kicking and screaming to a mani/pedi. Unless youd daughter beats me to it. I see Mommy/Daughter spa days in your future. Word.
Twitter: momsmustardseed
July 13, 2012 at 6:38 am
Ok…so, I’ve been pondering and pondering htis and have a friend on ‘hold’ to start making skirts for me….I just need to know how i”m doing to keep my legs and ankles warm….that’s a serious issue for me!!!! Now…I can come out of hiding and tell you….I’m going to do the same thing….just waiting for the skirts to fall from Heaven and for my friend to receive my measurements…hahaha…so she can make them!
Twitter: therubynotebook
July 19, 2012 at 10:41 pm
I started wearing more skirts…about Spring 2011o. Now it’s about all I wear.
For a long time I thought it just wasn’t practical with 2 little boys, toddling around, having to constantly carry, bend over, sit in the floor, etc. But, since mine got a bit older I decided I could try to look like a girl again
I’ve noticed everyone treats me different when I wear a skirt. Everyone from my boys to strangers. Men hold doors open for me more often, my boys comment on how pretty I look and have took to telling me things like ‘ladies first’ all on their own.
Plus, skirts are much more forgiving of my fat rolls. They minimize the muffin top, cover my thunder thighs and I’ve found there isn’t much I can’t do in them, once I got used to wearing them. Though I do still own some shorts and pants and do wear them on occasion-sometimes a mom of boys needs pockets-and lots of them-when out in the woods.
Added bonus-Since most women don’t opt for skirts/dresses more often than pants, there is a huge selection of skirts and dresses at my thrift store
$1.20 for a dress or $0.78 for a skirt is totally in my budget!
Amy from Raising Arrows and Caroline form Modest mom did a nice series on skirt wearing http://www.raisingarrows.net/she-wears-skirts-series/ The comments offer lots of good stuff too
I think Amy’s series was what made me think of my title.
I’m loving my skirts. Need a few more of them. You are absolutely right about the way people treat you. It’s a subtle shift, but if you look like you put some thought into your clothing, people treat you more thoughtfully. Or maybe I just look better. Either way, I like it.
I like skirts. I only have a few practical daily skirts, most are a bit dressier and not so good for chasing kids all day. My biggest issue, however, isn’t the skirt itself, it’s the SHOES that go with it. What kinds of shoes are y’all wearing with your skirts that allow you to run and do normal day to day stuff without killing your feet? I think part of my problem is that I’m short, so when I wear a skirt that’s just below the knee and flats, I just feel like it looks weird. I live out in the country, and am very rarely caught off guard by someone stopping by. So I pretty much live in yoga pants, tee shirts, and tennis shoes. Due to that fact, anything but tennis shoes feel horribly uncomfortable, and I refuse to wear uncomfy shoes because I’m on my feet a lot. Sorry this is turning into a book, but I would really love some input. I’d love to wear skirts more, but need some practical shoe ideas!
Shoes were a problem for me, too. I’ve got a pair of mary jane style Crocs for around the house, and a pair of these: http://www.merrell.com/US/en-US/Product.mvc.aspx/26427W/61532/Womens/Barefoot-Life-Wonder-Glove?dimensions=0
I love these shoes! Got mine for $50, though. Can’t imagine paying that much for these. Shop around with an eye toward lighter-soled shoes, and you’ll find something comfortable enough. I also wear sandals a lot. I have no idea how winter is going to go. I’m looking at boots and tights and thick skirts now.
I truly was blessed to read your post. We live in a world of much undress and corruption to say the least, and then to hear a testimony of such a nature as yours, it truly blesses my soul.
Feel free to look in my shop should you ever want any dresses.