At twelve weeks pregnant, I’m still not starting to show yet. My tummy is definitely changing shape, and my jeans no longer button comfortably, but the only people who know I’m pregnant are the ones who either know our family personally or follow me via the blog or social media. In a couple of months, though, when I don the maternity clothes I’m window shopping for now, the cat will be out of the bag, so to speak. Unlike my first four pregnancies, I find myself dreading the day I start to look pregnant, instead of just chubby.
It’s confession time. My first thought when I realized was pregnant was not “Yay! Go, Dyers!” My very first thought was actually “Really?” Because I didn’t really expect that result. I wasn’t even entirely sure why I was wasting the pregnancy test, except that I’d found a deal for 25 stick tests on Amazon for less than $5 shipped, so it seemed wasteful not to use one. I wasn’t even late yet!
But my first thought after the initial shock was, “Oh, crap. Now I have to face yet another round of strangers commenting on the unusual number of our progeny.” I really hate that part. Not the congratulatory comments! I love those! Please, stop me at church and tell me how wonderful you think babies are, or show me the pictures of your dozen grandchildren. I love that. What I hate, are the smarty-pants. I hate even more that I allowed them to ruin my first happy moment of realizing that I’m going to be a mommy again.
By way of apology to our little bean-sprout, I’ve compiled a list of reasons that five babies is much better than four. Because I am thrilled to be having this baby, even if I’m not crazy about the reactions we get.
- Five voices singing silly songs in the back of the van is way more fun. I love listening to our current four belt out whatever happens to be playing. One more can’t be anything but good.
David, May 26, 2004
- Now I can be an expert. I will soon be able to opine in an authoritative way on the sock problem, cup organization, large family meal planning, and homeschooling lots of kids of different ages. I wanted to be an expert on motherhood. That’s really hard to do when you only go through each stage once or twice. I have often scoffed at the parenting advice given by “experts” who have psychology degrees but only one child. Those people have not been in the trenches. Burn those books, moms. They are worthless.
Jonah, May 3, 2007
- Five kids, five fingers.When we’re out and about, the head-count will be much easier. Now I just have to make sure I have a child for each finger on one hand. Math is hard. Pray I don’t lose any fingers.
Audrey, December 8, 2008
- People can finally stop wondering if we’re doing this on purpose.At four kids, people still imagine that a botched vasectomy might be to blame for our “misfortune”. With five, though, no one will be asking anymore if I know that there are ways to prevent this weird swelling of the tummy. It will be obvious from this point on that either we do not, in fact, know what we’re doing to cause this, or that we are Catholic. We’re not Catholic, but a good number of people will be likely to surmise that we are and not bother me in the grocery store anymore with their stupid questions. Either way, the nuisances are bound to be fewer this time. That’s a good thing.
Benjamin, August 25, 2010
- Five times the joy. People always focus on the amount of work, sacrifice and money involved in raising kids. Our culture practically demands that we think of children as liabilities—really as just expensive (and optional) pets. Any other view of parenthood is naïve and irresponsible, due to the immense burden of raising them. Back when I was still enmeshed in drug addictions and misdiagnoses of bipolar disorder (I was really just lost in sin), a psychiatrist told me that my wish for motherhood was “unrealistic”. Well, allow me to very unrealistically revel in anticipation of ten more tiny fingers to wrap around mine, ten more tiny toes to tickle, and as he (or she) grows, one more trusting set of arms around my neck, and one more set of lips to whisper “I love you, Mama.” The four I’ve given birth to have been nothing but a blessing to me. This fifth will be nothing less, I am certain.
{ 62 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: mycraftingworld
November 16, 2011 at 7:42 am
You tell them, Cindy. They are your blessings and if others can’t marvel over how precious they are…then they are missing out. You are supporting them and giving them a Christian home to thrive in. That is way more than many I know are doing. I wish more would follow your lead.
Twitter: cowsdontmoo
November 16, 2011 at 7:45 am
If you lose a finger you’ll just have to start counting with the other hand!
Congrats! Congrats! Congrats! While I don’ have a big family (and probably never will due to a medical condition), I think big families are awesome! Congratulations on your newest blessing Cindy!
*hugs*
Oh, yeah! I have two hands! Anatomy is hard, too.
Twitter: cowsdontmoo
November 17, 2011 at 3:53 am
It’s 3 am-I totally thought I was hitting a “Like” button under you reply when I actually hit Reply…apparently reading is hard as well.
Twitter: every_blessing
November 16, 2011 at 7:47 am
Excellent post. I love your attitude and am praying for a safe and healthy pregnancy for you and sweet baby number five.
Thank you! I’m praying, too. Having seen so many moms struggle with miscarriage, I almost feel guilty having so many healthy pregnancies. I’ve been very blessed thus far, and pray it continues.
Twitter: tracysuz
November 16, 2011 at 9:04 am
Yea for you and the family Cindy! I always wanted a big family and only had one sister. Mother only had one sister. And I only have one son who lives out of town so it’s pretty much just me and Neil. I think a big family is happiness. Just think how wonderful family weekends and holidays will be with so many children, there spouses and all the grands will be when they fill you house as you get older. Sounds like a wonderful dream to me!
Congratulations to the whole family!
Congratulations! We have 5 children ranging from 6 to 21. Unfortunately, people will still ask you if you knew what caused it, I guess they think they’re funny. Since your kids are close in age, you’ll have enough for a basketball team in the neighborhood
KellyH
Know what you mean about “smarty pants” comments. Note to whole world: I don’t like discussing my sex life in front of my kids , especially after I’ve told them that they were created by God. You really undermine that, especially when you say “don’t you know what causes that?” AT church. I just say, “God keeps blessing me!”
I just try to look at them like the immature people they are. I don’t give a 2 yo a hard time for spilling his drink, but you kind of hope Christians of 30+ years would be a little more advanced in their walk, you know?
Congratulations, you’re well on your way to being a super duper expert mama.
Twitter: tracysuz
November 16, 2011 at 9:24 am
Oh’ Cindy. I’m such a nut.
When I came by to see you I first clicked on Sherry’s blog, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Mom. I know she’s wondering who this nut calling her Cindy is. I was thinking this doesn’t look like Cindy’s blog at all but sometimes I think the Lord leads in the most comical ways. It was weird because after I left the message I went back to visit again, and for the life of me can’t even tell you why and that’s when I realized my mistake. I had left you a message on someone else’s blog. Gotta laugh at that. So she got the weirdest message from someone she has no idea who they are and probably thinks I’m a nut. Okay deservedly so. So I better get back over there and explain.
Here’s an exert of that post that I was really wanting to leave for you.
Thank you so much for coming by and leaving me words of encouragement and sending up prayers for our family. They mean everything to us. They really are the glue that’s holding us together and getting us through each day.
I’m praising God for you and saying a prayer that you’re having a beautiful day.
OX’s…Tracy @ Cotton Pickin Cute
Twitter: StaceyNerdin
November 16, 2011 at 9:36 am
Congratulations! And YAY for 5 kids!! We got all the smart-alecky comments with just four kids, too, and then when we added our 5th 6 /12 years later, we REALLY got a lot of comments (mostly they assumed he was an “oops!” baby, which he most certainly was not).
Five kids is quite the brood, but it is so, so fun. Believe it or not, now that our 5th is 4yo, I actually find myself doing the head count and thinking “They’re all here? Hmm, this isn’t so crazy!”
So you’re saying people *don’t* shut up? I wonder how many I’ll have to have before the shock just makes them incapable of speech?
Really, really great post! You hit the nail on the head. We have 2 (for now) and Lord willing will have a few more someday.
You just make the prettiest babies. For some reason, David’s pic didn’t show up. BTW, thanks for all the leftover pregnancy tests
Well, it was showing up just fine before you got here. Think I fixed it. And you’re welcome. I hope we’ll hear some wonderful news from you, soon. Love you!
Twitter: meclarks
November 16, 2011 at 12:36 pm
I’m thinking of making buttons that say something like: Yes, they are all ours. We love them and we treasure each one of them. God has greatly blessed us, and we would happily welcome more!
or Call us crazy if you like, but you’re the one missing out!
(But I wouldn’t do that, as I know many families who desire more children than they have…)
You make the buttons, and I’ll buy one! ;0)
I have 5 small ones ranging from 3 months to 7 years and I absolutely love having a larger family. Even on the roughest days and amid all the chaos I’m glad I have each one of them.
Congratulations!!!
I’ve never had anyone ask “Don’t you know what causes that?” but I have my response all ready to go – grab them by the front of the shirt and wail, “NO! I don’t! These babies just keep coming and I DON’T KNOW WHY!!!!” I saw it on a blog once and I’ve always wanted to do it, so of course I never get that question. I just get disdainful looks and comments of “Well, aren’t you a fertile Myrtle” or “What’s wrong with you?” I don’t have a witty don’t-you-feel-stupid response to either of those.
We just had #4 five weeks ago, and are not done. Pff. Four is not that many. Hubby and I both grew up in families of 8 kids. THAT is a lot. Four – not so much.
There is no good response to the flat-out rude people. Just tell them they’re rude and move on. I have gotten very good at telling people they’re being rude since I became a mother. That tone you use with horrid 7 year olds? Works on adults, too.
Way to go girl, I’m so proud of you. It’s not easy being your own person in today’s world. I’ve not found a greater blessing than children. Sure it’s hard work @ times, but the blessing are well worth it. I love all children, but I must be honest, grand kids are the greatest. I thank God for my family & would not want to change it at all!
Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed reading this and wish you many blessings your family.
Congratulations! What a blessing it is to have a big family. We only have two little ones so far, and people keep saying to us, “You’re done, right?” I don’t know that we are done, but am always a little shocked by how rude some people can be. After the Duggar family announced that they were expecting their 20th, F/book was buzzing with rude and demeaning comments about them. People need to get a life… seriously. So thrilled for you and your family:)
Twitter: JillCraft
November 16, 2011 at 10:39 pm
And guess what? Six children are better than five children. I know for a fact!
Children are a blessing from the Lord and don’t let anyone tell you differently!
Congrats!
I would be thrilled to find out that 6 are better than 5!
Twitter: onemomsworld
November 17, 2011 at 8:44 am
I have learned to tune people out. I get so many non-wanted comments all the time and I just smile and look the other way. This is our life and no one else has an opinion except for our Jesus Lord Christ. He loves all the children so you know he is smiling.
I would LOVE to have a big family, so I’ll make a comment. I’m jealous of you there. OK? Love you Cindy!
Jen, I hope you’ll come snuggle my baby some. No need to be jealous! I’ll share happily with you. I love you, too! And could we have coffee or lunch soon? I miss your smile.
Twitter: onemomsworld
November 17, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Yes, yes, and yes…
. Tomorrow is last day at JITC so I will have more time to do lunch. I MISS YOU!
I’ll have to get my dad to come babysit for me one afternoon. We’ll go buy something horrible and sugar-laden and have a nice chat over coffee.
Awww, you made me want to cry, Cindy! And yes, everyone who asks if you know what caused it thinks they’re a comedian. There’s no way I’m going to be able to have five kids myself (I’d count myself lucky if I got three), so you’re going to have to put them in their place for me!
CONGRATULATIONS!
I think you nailed it when you wrote, “Our culture practically demands that we think of children as liabilities—really as just expensive (and optional) pets.”
Twitter: donettadalman
November 17, 2011 at 10:49 pm
Love, love, love this!!! Your babies are BEAUTIFUL!! Sometimes I find myself wishing that we had decided to have a larger family. We had a girl and boy and we were happy with that and so we stopped. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have limited what God could do through our family. I wasn’t in a place where I realized that God would provide for the blessings that He gives us though so two it was. So anyway, it’s way too late for me for more kids of my own but you can bet I’m super excited about the grandkids that I hope are in my future!!
I love babies! I’m so excited for you and your new one!!
I love this post! We have six (29 yr to 10yr), yes I am an “older” mom and have heard all the comments. (sigh!)
One day at church an older pastor came up to me and said, “I think I have been wrong about not having a large family. The more I read the Bible the more I realize children ARE a blessing”
He made my day.
We currently live in China and our friends here are so amazed at the number of kids we have and wish they had the same opportunity. And yes I would not return any of them!
Great post – and congrats!!!!
Twitter: Mandy_Vavrinak
November 23, 2011 at 11:31 pm
As a parent of 4 kids, ranging in age from almost 17 to 2-and-a-half (yes, I gave birth to them all; yes, we intended to have them all when we had them, space included; no, no miscarriages in between) I get lots of “those kinds” of comments. The people who pity us because we’ll be “dealing with” our kids and their needs for so long… the people who ask us if we know how this pregnancy thing happens… the people who assume that because we have one learning to drive and one learning to use the toilet that we must have had an “oops” somewhere. I wanted a larger family. I get wanting to be an expert on motherhood. If I only ever get one thing right, I want it to be raising my kids. So I say CONGRATULATIONS and best wishes for a smooth, healthy pregnancy and another blessed addition to your beautiful family. Don’t let anyone rob you of one single moment of the joy of being a mom (again).
Thanks, Mandy! I really think selfishness is at the root most people’s disdain for children. What I don’t get is why *my* kids are bothering them so much! They’re good, quiet kids, and never bother anybody. We’re certainly taking responsibility for them ourselves, and not asking anybody else to do it for us. I can only assume there’s some deep cultural training they just can’t get past. I’m sure there are also some spiritual issues being worked out pretty often, given the number of times I’ve had blushing mothers explain to me why they just *couldn’t* handle anymore children. Like I’d have been rude enough to ask!
The mere existence of large families puts the lie to some of our society’s most treasured ideas: that career is where fulfillment lies, that children are too expensive and normal people can’t raise them properly without a host of government services doing the heavy lifting, that happiness lies, not in serving others, but in having more stuff, bigger houses, and fancy vacations. All things which, frankly, feeding and educating my children keep me from doing, but things I’d much rather not have if it means not having these people in my life.
I’m sure I’m rambling at this point, but I’m so stuffed with turkey and cranberry sauce I can’t stop.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Twitter: JamerrillWriter
November 27, 2011 at 5:38 pm
YAY! On FIVE kids
Let me tell ya’ though…people will still ask “are you done yet.” And you’ll still hear “boy, you have your hands full” and “you know what causes that, right?!” But from here on out I can tell you that those comments seem all the more funnier. Just like if you get the “homeschooling socialization” question, while your kids are playing with 20 other kids at the playground. 
I think you, your family, and all your babies are wonderful! {& thanks for being in my super cool link-up club}
Fun post…love your sense of humor! We’ve never regretted having a large family….
Love this article! We have 4 ages 5, 4, 2 and 9 months and I get asked questions/looks all the time. My favorite is ‘you have your hands full’ I either say yes ma’am or sir and keep walking or say ‘hey the more the merrier’ I was talking to my kids teacher and she has 4 and was told the famous line ‘well don’t you know how that happens’ and she said ‘yes but I like it too much’ and that shuts them up! I am happy with the comments we receive about our well behaved children. We say we are done but who knows what will happen in the next few years. We are blessed beyond words with the children the Lord has graciously decided to allow us to raise and hey whats 2 more =). I figure if I can manage a year of raising these 4 kids by myself while hubby is stationed in Korea I can do anything. . .including having more kids =)
Wow! I can’t imagine doing it on my own! I’m such a wimp when my hubby is gone at night. My hat is off to you, Mama.
Came across your blog today from a link from a friend, and I am so enjoying it. I am right now 12 weeks along with number seven, and I had the same thoughts as you when I first found out, dread in telling others, dealing with unpleasant reactions. I, too, had to catch myself and remember that I AM THRILLED AND BLESSED, and why should I let my worries about what other people think steal the joy that God wants me to have in this news. And love your five reasons, I think I’ll start working on my list of seven reasons!
God bless you and yours.
Hi, Cindy I just happened to come across your page while looking up stuff about the duggars and I love it! Congrats on your new little blessing! Im expecting out 3rd in April we have a 9 yr boy, and 3yr girl. We also take care of my 14 yr niece people tell me all the time are I’m crazy! or what are you thinking? They really go off the wall when I tell them I have had nat births, and midwives( which is really a different subject) . Anyway love your page, and congrats again.
Thank you! And congratulations to you! I hope you’ll visit often. The more the merrier, in families, and on blogs.
This is great! Forgive me if someone has already said this (I didn’t read ALL the comments) and maybe you have already found this out.
We also just had baby #5 in July. We still got the “Don’t you know how this happens by now?” “Was this one planned?” “Are you done now?!” and every other comment you can think of! My answer… “Yes, we do. That’s why we keep having them. No it wasn’t necessarily planned, but we are more than thrilled to welcome another one….. and… I don’t know.” 
It seems children are more a burden than a blessing to most people. It’s unfortunate as I can’t imagine life without any of my children. It is much more full and rich because of them! Congratulations to you and your family!!
And congratulations to you! I love the look on people’s face when I tell them I don’t plan my family. I like surprises. :0) People are so funny. And rude. But mostly funny.
Thank you for this post! We have 4 and the stupid comments started with number 3 and just got worse with 4. I’m hoping and praying God will give us more kids despite what stupid things people say! =P Now if only I can convince my husband of it too! Maybe I’ll send him this post…
Sometimes I hope for more kids just to spite the people who say those things.
Just stumbled onto your blog! Loving it! Congrats on the new little bean!
As a mom of five, people assume a lot about us and now see me as ‘saintly’ because I’ve not lost my mind yet. I’m 29 and my oldest is less than a month from 12, looks like he’s 15, and behaves like he’s in his 20′s. My youngest is 18 months old, looks like he’s three and is very civil. People always seem surprised that they behave. I guess they should be running around like wild animals.
My mom keep wanting
me to get pregnant with twins because she thinks will make us stop having them!
I have 5 children ages 6,5,4,2, and 4 months…
All blessings, and no we are not catholic either, everyone thought we had an oops with the 4th, but all were part of the plan, so when #5 came along, most seemed to be irritated because we didn’t listen to them and stop at 4 Luke everyone said,
I love having 5!!!!!!!!’
I would like to have a second child. I no longer see them as liabilities. They are assets. I also do not care what feminists think about my decision to stay home with my young child. I don’t need approval from feminists or modern society. A career does not offer the same happiness that a family does.
this blog was *AWESOME*. i just found out 1 week ago that i’m (now) 5 weeks along with our fifth. reading your blog was like reading my own path of discovery…one of my three year olds and i were shopping for misc items last week when i the pregnancy tests “happen” to catch my eye. i thought ‘what if’ but passed it up because i didn’t have a reason to believe i was prego but went BACK and grabbed one anyways. to my complete surprise it (and the one two days later) was positive!
anyhoo – congrats – love this write up –
)
Congrats on your little one!
I just found your blog and oh my thank you for writing this post. I am newly pregnant with my fourth and I’m currently experiencing some not so kind comments from strangers and friends alike.
I am constantly amazed at how rude people can be about our children. I try not to take it personally. They really are just ignorant of the blessings our children bring. Still, how anyone can say anything but “congratulations” at a time like this is beyond me. Rude, rude, rude. Hang in there!
Thank you for this wonderful post! I too am pregnant with number five and although we are thrilled, I dread the public announcement.
Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! (There, now your first public announcement gets a positive response.
)
Cindy -
)
As a Christian woman expecting a child with my husband, I am delighted stumbling across your blog. It has been encouraging and helpful to center my worries on my Heavenly Father and be reminded that this child is His blessing. However, I ask that you proceed with caution, as from a few posts, it seems that you don’t appreciate individuals in the mental health field. Granted not only are mental health professionals not all excellent professionals nor are all mental health professionals Christians grounded in God’s Word. However, it is offensive to a Christian woman with a post-graduate degree in mental health who does coach parents on skills and interventions to put in place in their homes. I agree that many self-help books are worthless. However, many strategies those in the mental health field suggested can align Biblically and can be found “tested and true”. One of the greatest offenses during my career is parents questioning my ability to provide successful parenting interventions without parenting myself. The beauty of the mental health is that I am a good mental health professional by not ranking my experience as ability to guide. In addition, as a Christian, I can familiarize myself with godly principles on child raising. I bank on “tested and true” strategies that promote healthy living – emotionally, physically and spiritually for all members of the home. I hope you hear my heart in this post (as possible as that is through social media) and perhaps be a bit more forgiving/ accepting/ open to those in the mental health field. We aren’t all bad. Sincerely, Tabatha Miller, Licensed Social Worker (PA), loving wife, daughter of Heavenly Father and excited mom-to-be (Sept 2012
No, really. You got all that from this? You are welcome to hang out here, but trying to change my mind on things that aren’t at all obvious I believe is just going to annoy me. Don’t annoy me. I’d like to be friends. (You know, this reply of mine sounds really annoyed already, because I am. 1) I haven’t had my coffee yet. and 2) I have some very, very good reasons to feel the way I do about “experts” and you don’t know everything about me just from a few blog posts. Stick around though, and you might find out some things.)
Not all from this post -just a few of the blog posts mentioned mental health professionals. I’d love to learn more about you.
Not trying to be a pain or unfriendly. Sorry if it came across that I am trying to change your mind or that I know you. That is not fair for you at all. Just trying represent the field. 
Looking forward to future blog posts, as I certainly need godly advice and centering as my husband and I parent this baby! 
Tabatha
I am VERY sorry for my tone this morning. I do know better than to comment when I’m not feeling peachy! My thinking about health care professionals is that secular mental health care is lacking one huge ingredient in ever helping anybody. (Christ, of course.) I’ve nearly had my own life ruined by it, and I know it to be a problem for a lot of people. Christian counseling is, if truly Christian, very helpful.